An ode to Imperfection....

or something like that.

Last weekend, we moved back to the old neighborhood (to the most recent old neighborhood, if you follow...). Getting ready for this particular move has been close to unbearable, despite our eagerness to leave the pueblo & to recover a home of our own.
Both of us have had our share of long- and short-distance moving, but this one was more stressful than all the previous moves combined. Really.

This time around, we were responsible for almost everything. It was up to us (well, ME, especially) to find the house (making lists, establishing the criteria, visiting the potential homes), pack & unpack everything we´ve accumulated throughout the last 4 years... all the while, of course, keeping the children fed and entertained, the bills paid (through a job that my husband has come to loathe), finding an additional source of income (for me, this time), and registering our children at the daycare/pre-school. We have come this close to losing it.
Not to say that we haven´t had any help. Friends & family have been gracious to us, as usual, but it has been a tough winter-spring. We tried to keep things in perspective, we tried to make long-term plans, as a distraction-method (plans of settling elsewhere, into a more laid-back lifestyle; the dream we recycle year after year).. nonetheless, there has been a lot of tension.
The guilt of how our children must be experiencing these changes and tensions plagues me to no end... but then I remember that we (humans, that is) are resilient. (and young humans, especially).

I´ve gotten into the ugly habit of yelling. I never thought I was a yeller. It turns out that I, too, can be one of those moms....the kind of mother at whom more patient mothers roll their eyes. It´s not an easy thing to discover. Such a contrast with my earlier, more cheerful, mothering.
So, I sat there amid the boxes and the chaos, after many stressful days, "comiéndome el coco," and wishing I could just stay calm in front of the kids. Many evenings, I crashed on the couch and watched hours-worth of a funny TV-show....regardless of the sleep-deprivation. I laughed at the awkwardness of their fictional lives, at their ridiculous behavior, and at the horrid monotony of their world. A waste of time, perhaps, but it serves to remind me that, even in the stressful moments, it´s alright just to laugh at life and at our imperfections.

So I waver between wanting to be perfect in front of my children and accepting that I am a "normal" mother, like all the rest. Almost daily, I read through a bunch of parenting-blogs, in search of commonality, I suppose. Sometimes, at the end of an article, I close my computer with a new resolution, equipped with a new & improved mothering-method of some sort. The kids wake up from their naps, I greet them with confidence..... and then life happens. Multi-tasking is no piece of cake; not even for mothers. Adieu resolutions, adieu intent.

Inspiration for laid-back parents:
www.sweet-juniper.com
http://freerangekids.wordpress.com/