But, being foolish and impatient, I sit and wait for it. Well, I do a lot of cleaning, too, these days. But you get the idea. I keep wanting things to start; so curious about this delivery-experience, although it also really makes me nervous... And nothing is starting, as far as I know. The baby is very active, but I have no pains, no signs that labor is just an hour or day away (even though, technically, it could).
I need some distraction. So, I´ll focus on throwing Ari a fabulous birthday-bash this Saturday. We´re celebrating early, for all obvious reasons. And I´ll watch movies. And I´ll try to take naps, while Ari takes hers. And I´ll clean. Yes, there´s nothing like preparing "the nest" to make the days fly by. And, then, before we know it, Baby-Zus will have joined us. After what I hope will be another smooth & quick delivery. (though I´d appreciate it if she could let us arrive at the hospital with some time to spare, at least :-) I could totally imagine being one of those women who give birth in the taxi, or in the hospital-hallway. THAT would stress me out).
SO, any more predictions regarding the date??? Come on, people. Feedback!
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On to other things.... I´ve also been thinking about the greater things of life. About God and religion, and what place I want to give it in my own life & in that of my children. What do we base these things on?? What should I base it on, when I am so aware of my own ignorance regarding spiritual matters. The more I try to analyze my own belief-system, the more I realize that it is so related to other people: to my blind faith in other people´s faith.
I am so easily swayed by books and arguments..... So dependent on other people´s opinions.
It´s really pathetic, and I am quite disillusioned to discover how shallow my religious convictions really are. I´d love to be able to defend my choice of faith: to have things figured out.
I need to learn to think for myself, but I am so aware of my own limitations; I haven´t studied these things at any depth. I´ve never done the digging that choosing a religious/spiritual direction should involve. Where the notion of other dimensions is concerned, I am clueless. All I can say is that I´ve stuck with this life-view..... that it feels right, even though I am starting to accept the possibility that it is just a gamble, in the end. I mean, what do we REALLY know?
Then, how do I want to influence my children? DO I want to guide them in the same direction, or should I be very intentional about not indoctrinating them. Is it alright to teach them to accept something that leaves so many questions in my own mind???
Ah. The religious debate wears me out. It comes up every now and then, with friends of a variety of perspectives. And I always end up thinking, ¨well, I guess I don´t know anything at all.. but I´m going to stick with it anyway." I hate having to doubt things. Especially these major issues. I´d rather be completely convinced of something & totally adept at explaining my reasons for following a particular religious system.
I guess I´ll go prepare the beef-stew instead. That´s nice and simple. It usually turns out pretty scrumptiously, even though I do things differently every single time I make it. I would invite you all over to eat with us, but we´re worlds apart.
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Check out our Sinterklaas photos: we decided to have a little celebration, complete with politically incorrect Zwarte Piet-cupcakes, et al. (The Zwarte Pieten are St.Nick´s helpers, or slaves, I suppose....) The Dutch have never revised this part of the tradition, however racist it undoubtedly is. Anyway, we made chocolate cupcakes... And Ari put out her shoe the night before, with carrots for Sinterklaas´horse. (in return for which she received a bunch of presents).
Daniel is rather concerned. He worries that December is too much for Ari: too many gifts, too much hype & excitement. He´d rather skip the gift-giving altogether, but I live vicariously and can´t help but get caught up in the holiday-craze. And it is just too much fun to have these parties, and give Ari these gifts, and get all materialistic. Shame on me. Probably has something to do with the monotony of my life.
I am anxiously waiting for the news of "baby-zus" to arrival! I just can't seem to understand how your life can seem monotonous when you are about to give birth to a little baby girl! Then again, little do I know about giving birth and babies!
ReplyDeleteEva,
ReplyDeleteAs you know, thinking about the spiritual education of my children is important to me. No religious system stands up to all scrutany so defending your beliefs so strongly I don't think is nearly as important as teaching your children how to think through making those decisions for themselves. Because, ultimately faith is just that, FAITH, not certainty. So what they decide they need to know why they've chosen and how to reconcile the seeming "gaps" in the logic of that faith.
My own plan is to educate my kids in the basics of all major religions and highlight some of the similarities held by all religions as well as the differences (for instance the similarities between karma and "reaping what you sow" but also where those two ideas diverge). Because both Charles and I grew up in Christian homes and because Western culture is closely tied with Christian knowledge, I will help to emphasize knowledge of the Bible. But I will not gloss over the parts of the Bible that don't make sense or are contradictory. I will present those parts as well and allow my children to decide for themselves. Obviously, all this needs to be done gradually and with age-appropriate explanations.