Of Love and Criticism...and Knowing Better.

As I am writing this, my belly is wild with movement, and there have been hints of false contractions. Unfortunately, I know that it can go on for weeks. I could still be pregnant 2 weeks from now, or a bit longer.... and I am not sure I mind that, but I am getting so so curious for this second birth, and about this second baby.

Sorry, people: these posts have been most monotonous. I had other plans for the blog, but motherhood plays so great a part in my life that I can hardly think of anything else. Especially as I am about to have a second child. So, here are some more thoughts regarding motherhood.

It changes a person. Duh. But, really, it changes so many subtle things.
So, as I was walking through this silent town a few afternoons, disappointed to see that the bakery was closed and Ari and I could not indulge in a croissant, I noticed another mother as she was loading (word choice?) her children into the car. She strapped her toddler into a carseat, amid protest, and seemed a bit flustered (something I immediately emphathized with!), and then proceeded to turn to child #2. That´s where the other side of my Mama-character came out. She removed the baby´s "cuco" (cradle/bed-part) from the stroller and put it in the front seat of her car, with baby and all. Then fastened it awkwardly with the seatbelt.
It bothered me. I felt such an urge to walk up to her and ask her what in heck she thought she was doing, and how could she be so irresponsible. Of course, I didn´t. This is not a time for confrontations: really, I don´t need to be beat up on, nor do I relish the idea of bursting into tears after a conflict with a stranger... (or anyone else, for that matter). No, I am too tired to argue.

Nevertheless, the arguments do take place...ALL the time....in my head. I tell other mothers off for being irresponsible (as in the car-situation) with their children, or for doing other things that just don´t make sense to me, or that seem totally wrong. It´s terribly catty and critical of me, but I can hardly stop myself. And, correct me if I´m wrong, but I think it is a character-trait (criticism) that comes with the territory. Part of it is protectiveness: as we nurture our own children, we inevitably gain a sense of responsibility for all the other children we come into contact with. We think, "that poor child, how could his/her mother be so stupid!", or "that is NOT the way to do this or that, or the other..."
Or maybe I am just hyper-critical. Maybe the rest of you don´t get so worked-up over the way other mothers do their job.

There´s a brighter & sweeter side to it, too, though. I get annoyed with other mothers, for whatever reason, but more often than that, I sympathize with them. When I see another mother in the grocery-store with a screaming toddler, I am not so quick to roll my eyes. I´ve been there, and I´m going to be in that situation so many more times. Because children get tired, and they throw fits, and it´s not always our fault. And that´s just my response to their children: I have more sympathy still for mothers who lose their tempers... It happens, and I never knew before that it is so easy for mothers to lose it. To feel totally overwhelmed and exhausted and insane. So, snapping at one´s child has become something I understand, even while I always regret doing it myself. Of course, this has its limits & boundaries, too, that I hope I´ll never cross, but when you´ve got a toddler of your own, it seems a lot more understandable (no matter how unforgivable!) that some parents just freak out and end up losing control altogether.

Anyway, I was just thinking about this... about how critical I am, in general, but particularly as a mother, and, on the opposite side, how much I´ve learned to sympathize with other mothers.