Upon Considering Haves and Have-Nots

This morning, I thought I would go ahead and whine some more. More venting, to work it all out in my mind. But I´ve decided to try to look at the brighter side. Sleep-deprivation, as Daniel and I discussed over the phone early this morning (when he was off to work after another stress-induced argument), can really distort things. Recently, in moments of stress or frustration, we´ve both said things like, "that´s it! one more day of this chaos, and I´m going to lose it!".
Then, when morning comes around, everything seems a lot more bearable. It happens again and again..... simply because fatigue & stress are so invasive; they have such power to dampen one´s spirits.

Anyhow, I thought of stress, I thought of everything that is making this month such a hard one. And then God (or a more sensible version of myself, I suppose) reminded me that I am so exceptionally blessed to be in this place.

It´s surprisingly easy to lose perspective (for me, anyway), despite daily confrontation with the suffering of others around the globe (ahem *Haiti).
I am surrounded by Have-Nots. By Have-Nothings and Have-Littles. I don´t have to leave the city to run into people who lack a roof above their heads, who have no resources whatsoever, no food to feed their children. The Have-Nothings are everywhere. And then there are Have-Less.... people who do have the basics to make it from day to day but haven´t lived the life they would have chosen for themselves. I could go on and on. There are a lot of people, within a wide range in the Have-Less category, who have a real right to complain.
I am one of the Haves. NO! I am one of the Have-Much´s.

An expression of gratitude is in order: (again, I repeat things ad nauseam)
- I grew up in a great family
- I have an education (and not a cent of debt, thanks to others)
- I have health
- I have friends (I might complain that "I have no friends, no social life", but I´m not really a loner, in the end)
- I have a best friend for a husband (just as I wanted)
- I have children (just as I wanted), and they were born:
*healthy
*happy (both of my daughters are smilers!)
- I have a roof above my head
- and.....compared to so many people, I suppose my life is quite interesting. (another invalid complaint: "I haven´t been anywhere! I haven´t seen the world").

What more could I really be asking for??? (I do ask for plenty, but realize it is ridiculous).

It has been surprising to discover that the most beautiful phases in life can also be the most difficult. Daniel and I are living a dream, raising the two loveliest daughters, but the dream has been difficult. It´s strange to feel such complex and conflictive emotions all at once. It has made us all behave so strangely in the last few weeks. We´ve yelled at one another, we´ve slammed doors, we´ve hugged, we´ve felt so proud of our little family, we´ve been so fascinated with new life, so overwhelmed with love, so worried, so unsure about the future, so afraid of failure, so grateful, so happy, so blessed..... How does that work? Everything collides.

An observation: The sixth week of a newborn´s life is infamous. It is, supposedly, the hardest week for baby & parents (especially with regard to colic, which is something that little Anika suffers from considerably). The first few years (first, second, or third...depending on which marriage-book you consult) of marriage are the hardest ones. The terrible two´s are...well, the terrible two´s.
Suffice it to say that, due to this combination of factors (and some others), this could pretty well be one of the most difficult years for us. But it is so beautiful, on so many levels, and we are so blessed to get to go through this. It (the trouble) has everything to do with togetherness: being together, the four of us... learning to adjust to every one´s particular needs, and to accept the personality-differences that make life-sharing so complicated sometimes. And the fact that we get to be together at all is really special.

Do me a favor, then, and read between the lines of my entries. When you read, "it´s so, so difficult!", also imagine a footnote:* "it is beautiful, beautiful, beautiful!", because it (being a young mother,etc.) truly is.