We were young once......and bloggers.

Song: "This house is not for sale," Ryan Adams.

I wrote this entry in my head, whilst working on my cherry-cheese pie, and might only recall a third of what I felt compelled to share.

Having made yet another return to the blog-world, I am fascinated by the way the blogger is immediately committed to the blog. None might read it, it might be left unvisited for a month, but the words are out there, and the burden of being unknown is somehow lifted.

This might not make any sense, but I´ll give it a try. There is something magical about it- about blogging. It is a relatively new phenomenon, but it has impacted us (especially our generation) so extensively. As much as I might hate the internet, and sometimes I do really abhor it, (hence my dramatic departure from fb, among other things) the concept of blogging is quite beautiful.

Just a few years ago, it seemed like we were all part of it. Old High School buddies, keeping up with one another through blog-posts and photos, writing ridiculous stories collectively, and tagging one another to do surveys. We had lists on our pages with links that made it so easy to stay in touch: one click, and we were redirected to so-and-so´s blog.
I loved it. But then weeks started to go by without an entry, months without a comment... our blogs died a slow death. Some of us made new attempts, but most of the blogs were left untouched, not to be revived again. I´ve revisited them from time to time, hoping to encounter a surprise update..... rarely did I find one.
So, now I read the blogs of strangers; in hopes of finding some connection, or a point of reference there, I suppose. The blogs that I read are good- very good. Blogs of mothers & fathers who have made their living (grand, in certain cases) by blogging about their stay-at-home parenthood; enviable people! Their entries boast not a dozen, not a hundred, NO, thousands(!!) of comments. I get excited when I find just two on my own page!
I still wonder, despite the quality of these blogs, how they create such an empire (it really is!), and where they find such a following. These bloggers write decent entries, and they include funny and embarrassing anecdotes, but their stories are still so mundane. Perhaps that is exactly why people read them. It, the blog-hype, says a lot about us all: it proves that we are desperate for (and commited to) community.

It might be more of a big deal for me, as I spend my entire day at home with a toddler for a conversation-partner. I ache for interaction. This is why I check so many blogs so many times a day; I am just doing the reading, in most cases, but it is about the closest I get to feeling connected.

And then there is the blogger´s battle, the constant attempt to find a balance between sharing one´s thoughts (achieving a sense of being understood/known) and maintaining the necessary amount of privacy. That is the reason I abandoned blogging several times. One blogs because one wants to be known & form part of a greater community of thinkers and feelers. One stops blogging because it invades too much of one´s life.
I am especially vulnerable to this, because I act on my impulses. Thus, when I feel somewhat lonely one day, I might start a blog. However, whenever something (anything) convinces me that I have shared too much of my thoughts, I might delete the blog. And then regret it. And then regret writing a particular entry, or including a specific detail. It is a juggling-act. I have often dropped the juggling-balls.

This is why I can´t guarantee that this blog will have a long life-span. My guess is this: there will be a direct correlation between the frequency of my updates and my social and/or professional life. (even though friends & work do provide food for thought)
In other words, I am rather bored and unoccupied (ahem...lonely) at the moment: hence, I´ve written three entries in three days. So, perhaps I am hoping not to write too many entries in the months ahead. Or perhaps I would just really love it if you would all join me & revive your own blogs.

Now, I have a cherry-cheese pie to tend to. And a daughter who is waking up from her 3-hour nap..

laters.